Playing Stars
by drunk-terminator
Summary: The sky is all dark and empty. That is what we are. But as we live, we discover those shiny things, the stars. They light our night sky. As her Silver Haired dad, he lightened hers.


Light shine even in the darkest places.

Ironically, the most blood-thirsty Amanto tribe had the privilege to have one of the most beautiful skies across the entire universe. Unfair. Lives lived for the single purpose of carnage never could enjoy such a sight. Of course, all rules have exceptions. Such exceptions referred to the naive little Yato girl, who would, ever night, gather outside with her mom and enjoy the natural beauty.

"Mommy, that one is a big one!" Indeed. Probably the biggest star that night. "That is my favorite."

The older woman smiled. "Being bigger doesn't mean being the best."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, it is." It was always fun to teach kids important values. She personally liked it. "You are not the biggest, yet you are the most precious."

A confused frown followed. As expected, her kid hadn't got it.

"But mommy, I'm no star." What else could she do if not smile? Children always had that simple minded way to see the world. Still pure, though. Something adults lack. "See the sky? It is all dark and empty. That is what we are. But as we live, we discover those shiny things, the stars. They make our sky worth looking at. We have lots of them, but some are more special than others. They light our path, not letting us lose ourselves. You are one of those, darling."

Comprehension crossed her angelical features. "If that is how it is, you are my star from now on, Mommy."

They shared a laugh, smiled to each other and quickly fallen asleep, together, the sky watching their dreams.

Later she learned that stars don't shine forever.

Waking up she realized dead stars come to haunt her in her dreams.

"Gin-chan, I can't sleep" was her automatic response. Gin-chan was not there, Gin-chan was probably sleeping. She shouldn't bother him a second time. The first one caused an abnormal fear of radio programs. Weird. Well, she had to deal with it. It was not worth waking him up because of childish fears. Not even herself could understand them. She would be fine alone. After all, she went like this for a long time until she found a new home here on Earth.

That is the plan: a walk. Far away from her bed, far away from her dreams. Just her and her feet.

Opening the sliding door, an icy breeze came. She felt a funny sensation in her face. A little more cold than how it should be. Touching her cheeks she realized what was wrong. She was crying in her sleep. How shameful. Strong girls should not cry over simple dreams. At least that was what she said to herself.

In the very beginning of her so called walk, she realized she was not the only one awake that night. Gin-chan wasn't sleeping like the lazy man he should be. How weird. Well, change of plans. She'd come closer, pretend to be his mother and yell at him about his lack of responsibility, talk about how important sleep time was, and then finally go to bed again. Like her first attempt to sleep had never happened.

Wait. Stopping on her tracks before doing anything, she could see it. That was not the usual Gin-chan. No. Nonononono, that was not Gin-chan, that was another silver haired man. No way. _No way_.

Gin-chan was… a careless person. Yeah, a strong, independent and funny person. There was no vulnerability. No. But the Gin-chan she was seeing now was kind of… lost. Heavy eyelids, almost closing, staring helplessly at the full moon, as if remembering a really, really bad memory. Those were not Gin-chan eyes. He had dead fish eyes. Not _those_ eyes. Not the eyes of a miserable man, who looked like he had lost everything. He was not allowed to show her that side, there was no need to see him that sad.

For a second time, change of plans. "Hey, Gin-chan."

Succeeded dragged away from whatever was happening to him. She could see something there when he turned to look at her. Just for a single second. Almost as relief. Should he be relieved? Probably. Better be in her company, in safety. Away from his thoughts.

"Can't sleep?" The words came in a hoarse voice. He was so tired, she quickly realized. A denial with her head was enough as an answer. "Then let's watch the stars together, all right?"

Oh. The stars. She was avoiding them. Damn them all. Why they had to bring sorrowful memories? As much as she was afraid to watch them she accepted almost immediately. She was not leaving Gin-chan alone, not when he looked so afraid. Sitting close to each other, sharing a thick blanket to shield them from the night cold, they watched the dark sky.

It doesn't take a genius to imagine what Kagura was going through. Gin-chan's arm was next to hers. The warm was the only proof she was still safe, because her mind had other plans for her. Even waking up, the rest of that dream was playing in her mind, like a movie. _Mommy, what is wrong with you? Are you feeling sick? It's just a cold. Mommy, you are getting worse. Mommy, please be strong. Let's watch the stars again, right? Why tonight, you shouldn't leave the house like this, Mommy! I'm okay, let's go. Do it for mommy. Mommy? Hey Mommy. Mommy… be strong. Please, be okay. Don't leave me, please. Please Mommy…_ it repeated. Over and over and over again. Endlessly. More vulnerable than she should be. No, get away from this, Gin-chan is by your side, there is no need to worry. You are not lost anymore. Not anymore.

She would repeat it once, twice, three times. Nothing changed. She was scared, lost in the darkness without her star.

"Gin-chan, what happens when a star dies?" That's what her mouth had chosen to say to keep her away from her inner suffering. Her mind demanded answers, her body was responding the need. Involuntary, everything was involuntary. Even the small shiver only Gin-chan realized.

He could break the ice. Yeah, he could be the asshole he usually is. Come on, it's not that much to ask for a scientific explanation. Could be false. He wouldn't get what was going on, right? He was a dumbass. Yes, a dumbass. Dumbasses don't know that kind of things, right? _Right? _She needed answers, but she didn't want them. Too painful.

Unfortunately for her, Tatsuma used to talk to him like this. Once they talked about stars. He said so much, heard so much. A painful experience at first, but soon enough it became a good memory. A refuge where he was used to hide whenever he felt like falling apart. Whenever desperation came, whenever he was lost. He remembered all the words they said that day, every one of them bringing comfort. That smile of his appeared in his face. That one, the truly smile. Gentle, welcoming smile. And she knew he knew.

"Every star will die one day. Unfortunately for us, they are not forever. It just happens that… sometimes it's just… everything happens so unexpectedly we don't know how to keep going. Yeah, it hurts. More than any pain you ever felt."

Silence. Straight to the point. She was not proud about what she did. Yes, she would probably have her answers, but at what cost? Gin-chan had a reason to say those words in such a way, and she already knew why. Come on, she could see through him. He tried to hide, but couldn't. It began just a little after they met. The first Zura incident. _They took the lives of our comrades, who fought to save our country. _Again, when Kada was scheming against Kabukicho. _Listen guys, I can't take feeling like that again… I won't let a single person… lose their lives. _It couldn't be just the moment. Something bad happened to him, she was so sure about it. She should be cursed. She lost to her fear, she asked. Now Gin-chan was probably opening his old scars just to comfort her. How pitiful.

"We are all scared. Don't worry, okay?" She nodded. Of course she would nod, what else could be done?

Truth be told, fear was not the most accurate feeling to describe her condition. Her star's absence has (had) brought a kind of solitude. As if something was always missing. Even if she never said so, even if she was okay around everyone and happy to be there, she missed it. She missed it _so much_.

"Gin-chan, I miss my star."

Yeah, everybody did. It was from human nature to spend nights thinking about the past, wondering what could have been. Remembering when the voice stopped being heard, when the hand stopped reaching, when the tears stopped falling, when the sun stopped to warm the coldness inside. When the world seemed to turn into darkness and your everything... disappeared. Was far away from you. Not returning. Never. When only the memory remained. When the urge to give up and break down was too strong to keep on living.

"Don't think about giving up, okay? Don't you even dare." There was also the time after that. When little shines of hope started to paint the sky again. A time which should not be forgotten, a time which was worth living. "Your star was not there all that time just for you to give up when you lost it. Remember how illuminated your path was and keep walking. The brighter it was, the darkest it became after you lost it. Don't lose to the darkness, though. Even if your star is not by your side, its light will _always _be."

Gin-chan gently patted her head, just like her papi used to do. If felt nice. "You will find new stars." That sentence. Such simplicity got her. She was surrounded by new stars. Gin-chan was one of them. And Patsuan, and Anego. Even the tax robbers could be sometimes. They were not like her Mommy. If they were worse? No. Not worse, not better. Simply… _different._ They had their special way to shine, a stupid, insistent and arrogant shine. Crying, smiling, fighting and laughing. They were always there for her. So she wish she was for them. You can't live alone, can you?

As for him, he was doing his best to be by her side every time she needed. Big things, tiny things. They were always important. Rice with eggs, for example. When they first met she said her family was poor, she could only eat rice with _hurikake_. A simple wish, like eating rice and eggs all the time, was significant too. Call him stupid if you want to. Kagura would not be there forever, though. The dream of becoming best female alien hunter cannot die. He was not the kind to stop her. Kagura always were a free girl, living her own rules, building her own world. He respected her wish to travel around space with the baldy. Right now, her father was not around. Who knows how far away he was? If something was certain, it was that he would be there when her father couldn't. He would be her silver haired dad.

"Hey, Gin-chan. I am a cry baby." Paying close attention, soft sobs could be heard. Kagura was the strongest girl he ever met. If crying one night for a good reason was considered a cry (crying) baby attitude, then he had no idea anymore about what strength and weakness meant. "I was thinking… I want to become a star one day."

_Stupid girl. You already are a star. _Warm arms wrapped around his waist. She was hugging him, her face hidden in his shirt. _Cry everything you have to cry. Let it all out_. They stayed like that. Maybe for a minute, maybe for an hour. At some point Sadaharu joined them. What a good pillow that dog was. Gintoki carefully adjusted both of them, softly leaning on the dog's back.

"You can cry as much as you want tonight. You know, it's okay for a star to be tired and rest for a night. But stars will always be stars, and they never forget what stars do: they shine."

* * *

**AN:** That's it guys. You know something, this thing is actually a dream I had yesterday. I woke with a urge to write it down, so here it is. I hope you all liked it. There is one more thing. I've read this one thousand times looking for mistakes, and my friend did the same form me. But you know, we are a little dummy. So sorry if you found any weird misspelling. I'd appreciate if you could tell me whats wrong, I'll gladly fix it as soon as possible. Thank you a lot for reading, hope you liked it :3


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